Goodbye... 4evu!

Farewell my "African American" Canadian lady friend. Tina and I will miss you immensely, though Tina doesn't know that I'm posting anything about you. I hope you have a fun travel time with your family back up to Cunuckastan.
I'm really gonna miss your cute girlish antics (haha) and your sweet innocent smile and your funny jokes and all that other girly stuff. AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I lover you!!!

Claire.

PS If you don't like the picture I'll take it off. I think you look loverly though. *smile*

Ridges.

Who needs pizza men when you got bubbles? Have you ever stopped to look and realize just HOW awesome bubbles are? I mean... how do they stay all circular and stuff?!? And you can't make bubbles without wands with ridges. Why is that? I'm blown away.

I think you should just relax, be a kid again and go blow bubbles.


You should also draw pictures with crayons.... just an idea.
Oh, and make sailor hats out of newspaper. Those rock big time.
I love you!

Claire.

Another one...

It's a nice song.
It's beating for you.


Click on title to see.

Don't be alarmed. It's just my face.

This picture is from our escapade to Pensacola, Florida. We didn't get real coffee at the hotel so you can imagine our thrill as we arrived back in Louisiana and had real coffee. We'll write more about our visit to the beach and post pictures about it later...

Claire.

PS Stay tuned for our fat survey at the beach.

THIS is the Ultimate Eyegasm.

Posted by Claire

29 Things to do in an elevator

1:Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!

2:Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

3:Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

4:Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

5:When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

6:On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.

7:Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!

8:When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!

10:Meow occasionally.

11:Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

12:Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!

13:Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

14:Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.

15:Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.

16:Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.

17:Leave a box between the doors.

18:Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

19:Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.

20:When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?

21:Say Ding! at each floor.

22:Lean against the button panel.

23:Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.

24:Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

25:Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.

26:Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.

27:Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

28:Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

29:Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

Posted by Tina

The "in" Thing.

This is the fashion that the majority of FEMA trailer people wear in New Orleans...





.. most of the time...

... mostly...

The Ultimate Adventure of the Week

Maybe it was one too many root beers.....maybe too much.....well that's not the point. There we were sitting miserably, our pathetic bottle of wannabe blueberry vodka in hand. The conversation was fleeting maybe we could....lame.... well fine we could go get fake IDs and go bar hopping...Tina don't be stupid how could we even get them by tonight...engulfed with rejection I sat there playing crusader and wishing the vodka didn't have fermented blueberries inside. In desperate attempts to cheer me up Claire started to put on every article of clothing in sight looking at me hopefully. I was too preoccupied with my alcoholic schemes....(not that I enjoy drinking or anything...most of the time...mostly) but as she started crawling towards me in a seductive stripper with broken legs type manner that I couldn't hold back my snickers. We raced to my suitcase case grabbing things and putting them on as if they were the last clothes on earth and we had to get enough to last us a lifetime. Well after we were finished getting dressed we roamed around the house looking for something ferocious to do. Than it hit us the pizza was coming and with the pizza always comes...... a man. Our feisty little heads spinning hastily I heard a yeeees slip out of Claire's mouth while I thought of the monstrous ways to harass him. Than the doorbell rang we raced downstairs to greet him. Smiling with the biggest smiles possible while wearing 5 layers of clothing in the middle of summer plus red lipstick, fake moles, and layers of eyeshadow and eyeliner. He hands us the pizza not quite looking....we stare at him than he looks up...eyes bulge he starts to stutter "um uh wow you guys look well uh yeah great... are you guys having a party...?*looks utterly bewildered* and we "no"...*smiles* we knew you were coming and we wanted to look extra pretty we even made up a little dance in your honor , want to see?...He feebly nods head in a yes fashion. We start madly thrashing about the room, his eyes bulge more as if ready to pop......any moment now....his unsureness growing by the second. We stop only to begin questioning him in our best deep Russian accents with deeply personal questions he stutters slurs racks his mind for answers to our overgrown curiosity than before he can regain his composure we hand him the money and shut the door and fall to the floor with an unabashed fit of laughter. Finally able to breathe again we rise up only to realize that we forgot to take a picture with the frightened little man I bolted to the window "YES hes still here find the camera!" we rummaged around and rushed to the door only to see his car drive off. Misery almost sinking I scarcely heard Claire's soft voice "theres always more fish in the sea" thats when I knew. "Claaaire" , I wailed, "lets goo ouut and about" we put on our walking socks and went on the prow, lude comments followed some fugly little men were sneering at us saying it wasn't Halloween with the grace of angels we smugly replied "yeah well it ain't saint patties day you drunk **************** ****** ******** ************ ". Than as with any good story the cops always come heart in throat i wondered if it would be to late to dive into the bushes or to pose as a statue. Bad memories of that cig run with Sharon and merciless interrogation that followed flooded my mind "fuuuck" I thought hopelessly. To late I heard the speaker turn on and the cops say something to us. I kept my spite filled eyes to the ground. But out of the corner of my eye I see the cops drive off and I look up to see Claire grinning, than it hits me they just said "nice socks" I smile thinking goddamn thats what i get for having bad karma. Well we walked some more got lost and lectured. haha well i forgot the ending or point to this story, but an adventure in the life of Tina and Claire.

Posted by Tina (grammatically corrected by Claire)

The Ultimate Joke of the Week.

So there are two muffins sitting in the oven and one muffin turns to the other muffin and says "Is it just me or is it getting really hot in here?" and the other muffin says "OH MY GOD, a talking muffin".
*throws self on floor and laughs to tears*

Joke is courtesy of Gio.

PS We like muffins.

But why..........

I'm not completely sure why we're doing this....but that's how we are. Most of the time never having reasons....mostly. But it all started one blistering hot day (one of those days where you sit out side wondering if you might acctually be the christmas turkey roasting in the oven) we were talking about things... I have a horrendously bad memory (like the time after a crappy party and you wake up wondering why your hanging upside down by your feet in a strangers cellar.....not that has ever happened to me of course. ...Yeaah but the point....well, it was that I don't remember what made us want a blog). But at the same time Claire and me simultaneously looked at the church and than to each other trying to spit the words out before the other one could have all the glory but sadly they came out at the same time. We were going to the church to confess our sins...the reaaaally deep dark ones that you would only tell to a complete stranger who spends half his day sitting in a box talking to other complete strangers. about thaaat...the point......yes well now we are making a blog so most everyone- well, at least the people that we want to tell - could be informed about how smart and sophisticated we are... or just to tell you about our risky adventures wooohoo. If you don't want to know abut our adventures and would like to mock how serious we are, shut your mouth close out the blog and walk away before we cyber rape you. Trust me... we can. You better believe that we've got the power... most of the time... mostly.

P.S If you by any chance are eating a banana spit it out riiight now cover it up with kitty litter and burn the remaining part...you can never be to carful when dealing with those slimy creatures.

We belive in being a non banana eating blog .